This week:
“Nothing that is worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore we must be saved by hope.
Nothing which is true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore we must be saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we must be saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as it is from our standpoint.
Therefore, we must be saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness.”
― Reinhold Niebuhr
Mother and Child Reunion:
No, I would not give you false hope…
Paul Simon – Mother and Child Reunion (Official Audio)
Is There a Problem with False Hope?
This past weekend some of us were discussing this salient topic.
If F.E.A.R = False, Evidence, Appearing Real
And Hope/Faith is “the substance of things to come, the evidence of things not yet seen”
Coupled with the Serenity Prayer inviting us to discern the difference between what we can and cannot change:
“God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things, I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time.
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as he did, the sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it. Trusting that he will make all things right
if I surrender to His will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
and supremely happy with Him forever.”
—Reinhold Niebuhr, 1892-1971
Is There a Problem With False Hope? – PMC
Jim Collins, in “Good to Great” invites us to confront the brutal facts, but always maintain hope:
Every good-to-great company embraced what we came to call the “Stockdale Paradox”: you must maintain unwavering faith that you can and will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties, and at the same time, have the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
And Beloved Viktor Frankl reminds us of the choice that lies between stimulus and response:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
–Viktor Frankl
Hope is Not a Strategy:
What Does It Mean?
Hope will only get you so far. You cannot just wish away your (or the country’s) problems. There needs to be a concentrated effort to reduce problems and to increase positive opportunities. Just sitting around thinking about how the current situation could be better is not going to change anything, you also must act.
Certainly, hope and prayer can work in the face of a difficult situation, but you need to be prepared to do your part to assist in the completion of the goal as well.
Not to mention the Last Thing in Pandora’s Box:
The last “evil” in Pandora’s Box: Hope.
Was it a blessing or a curse? Here, I think more about Hope and how we can reframe it to unleash its power to shape a better future.
Hope: Unraveling the Last Evil in Pandora’s Box | by Julie Harris | Medium
Where do YOU land on Hope?
As they say in the Middle East: “Trust in God but Tie Your Camel”
As they say in the Mid-West: “Pray Like Everything Depends on God. Work Like Everything Depends on You!”
Meditating on this?
Expectation, Attachment, and Disappointment – Meditation Medicine Musings with Eric K:
This morning, I was discussing clutching to expectations – and what happens when we mistake them for agreements with the universe.
If you’re inclined do reflect more on this discussion, read on…
About ten years ago, I was preparing a retreat in the mountains. I put my customary effort into setting up a meaningful schedule, food, and space. I smiled at my mental picture of people arriving softened by the landscape, ready to drop in. Maybe a few tears. Definitely some gratitude.
Then the first three folks walked in.
They looked tense. Distracted. One person asked if there was WiFi. Another frowned at her seating location like I’d personally betrayed her. And I felt it – my chest tightened, my stomach seemed a bit hollow. That unspoken internal oh.
I didn’t just prepare a retreat. I built a vision of how it should go. And reality, as it does, showed up differently.
The retreat unfolded beautifully, by the way. People softened. Insights came. But my first task was to let go of the version I’d been clutching, of my expectation.
We live in a field of expectations. We expect the coffee to brew. The light to turn green. The message to go thru. The emotion to pass. The body to cooperate. The person to understand.
Most of the time, these expectations are quiet, useful, and help us move through the world. We expect chairs to hold us. We expect that when we speak, someone might listen.
But then there are the other kind. The ones where expectation tips into attachment. Where we go from I hope this happens to It must happen this way, or I can’t be okay/I wont’ be okay.
That’s when the wobble starts.
In Buddhist teaching, this wobble is called dukkha. It’s often translated as “suffering,” but I think a better word is unsatisfactoriness. Stress. Dis-ease. The sense that something’s just… off.
The word is Pali, made up of Du – bad/difficult, and Kha – the axle hole in a wheel. The image is of an old timey wooden cart with a messed-up wheel. No matter how smooth the road, the wheel wobbles. The ride is never quite right – it’s unsatisfying.
Life is like that. Full of bumps and misalignments. Small or large. And yet, the practice approach isn’t to force the ride to be smooth. It’s to notice the wobble – and soften around it. To stop white-knuckling the reins. To sit back and breathe. This, by the way, is radical. It is unamerican. It is also deeply sane.
Because here’s the thing: expectation itself isn’t the problem. It’s the attachment. The demand that it go a certain way. The belief that our peace depends on it. That our identity is synonymous with it.
And when we catch that – when we notice the clench – we have a choice.
You know these moments in the brief meditation time you spend. Your thoughts: I should be more focused by now. Or: I shouldn’t still feel this way. Or: They should have responded. Or: It shouldn’t have said that.
Each one is a little bump in the wheel. A moment of dukkha.
But each one is also a gate. A small opening where awareness can slip in through the ego chatter.
I’ve learned to catch these moments – not perfectly, but more often. And when I do, I ask myself a simple question: What was I hoping for?
Sometimes the answer is obvious. Sometimes it surprises me. Maybe I was hoping for ease. For validation. For a different ending. For my body to feel better. For someone to get it.
And then I try something that sounds almost too simple to work, but it does: I soften the grip.
I don’t abandon the hope. I don’t pretend I don’t care. I just… loosen my fist around it.
I might say to myself: I care – but I don’t mind. Or: It’s okay if it’s not like that. Or one of my favs: May I meet this gently.
And my body responds. My shoulders drop. Something unclenches. The wobble is still there, but I’m not fighting it anymore.
So, here’s what I’m inviting you to try this week – a small inquiry you can use when you feel that tightness, that oh, that sense of something being off, that disappointment.
1. Name the experience.
Objectively label the thought: Disappointment is here. Or: Ouch. Or: Not what I expected. Or just, Disappointed.
Noting and labeling create space. This takes the charge down a notch.
2. Trace the expectation.
Ask yourself (curiously, not accusatorial): What was I hoping for? What did I assume would happen?
Let the answer arise. Maybe it was peace. A thank you. A different result. Just notice it.
3. Soften the attachment.
Breathe into one of these phrases (or your own version):
I care… but I don’t mind.
It’s okay if it’s not like that.
May I meet this moment gently.
Let your body feel the refocus – from tension to presence.
This isn’t about forcing yourself to be okay with everything. It’s not spiritual bypassing. It’s just… making a little more room for things to be as they are.
I don’t know how to stop hoping. I don’t want to. You can still love, plan, prepare, dream. You can pour yourself into retreats and relationships and projects.
But the question is: Can you also let go when it doesn’t land the way you imagined?
Can you embrace reality as it is because it is the only reality that can be?
Can you sit back into the wobble and ride it with a little more grace?
Peace!
Eric
When All Hope is Gone, Sad Songs Say So Much:
Elton John – Sad Songs (Say So Much)
Thanks to my conscious brothers for an illuminating discussion.
Now it’s up to you to pay it forward!
Love,
Neville
Linked-In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nevillebillimoria
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nbillimoria
“Nothing that is worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore, we must be saved by hope.
Nothing which is true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore, we must be saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore, we must be saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as it is from our standpoint.
Therefore we must be saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness.”
― Reinhold Niebuhr
Happy Soul Food Friday! 