The Power of Thank You and If You are Local- a Live Aid type event this Friday
THE POWER OF THANK YOU
Thank You, two words that have the power to transform our health, happiness, athletic performance, and success. Research shows that grateful people are happier and more likely to maintain good friendships. A state of gratitude, according to research by the Institute of HeartMath, also improves the heart’s rhythmic functioning, which helps us to reduce stress, think more clearly under pressure and heal physically. It’s physiologically impossible to be stressed and thankful at the same time. When you are grateful you flood your body and brain with emotions and endorphins that uplift and energize you rather than the stress hormones that drain you.
Gratitude and appreciation are also essential for a healthy work environment. In fact, the number one reason why people leave their jobs is because they don’t feel appreciated. A simple thank you and a show of appreciation can make all the difference. Gratitude is like muscle. The more we do with it the stronger it gets.
In this spirit here are 5 ways to practice Thanksgiving every day of the year. 1) Take a Daily Thank You Walk – Take a simple 10-30 minute walk each day and say out loud what you are thankful for. This will set you up for a positive day. 2) Mealtime Thank You’s – On Thanksgiving, or just at dinner go around the table and have each person, including the kids, say what they are thankful for. 3) Gratitude Visit – Martin Seligman, Ph.D., the father of positive psychology, suggests that we write a letter expressing our gratitude to someone. Then we visit this person and read them the letter. His research shows that people who do this are measurably happier and less depressed a month later. 4) Say Thank You at Work – When Doug Conant was the CEO of Campbell Soup, he wrote approximately 30,000 thank you notes to his employees and energized the company in the process. Energize and engage your co-workers and team by letting them know you are grateful for them and their work. Organizations spend billions of dollars collectively on recognition programs but the best and cheapest recognition program of all consists of a sincere THANK YOU. And of course, don’t forget to say thank you to your clients and customers too.
5) Say Thank you and Goodnight – At bedtime reflect on your day, identify, and share all that you are thankful for.
If You are Local- Gig Alert for this Friday Nov 28: Strange Crew is Opening this Live Aid Band Aid Style Event at The Observatory in North Park San Diego at 6:30pm SHARP!
Hi Live Music Mavens!
Are you going to need to work off your Thanksgiving meal and spread a little joy? This Friday, Strange Crew will represent the Clapton Era at this all-age tribute band and holiday food drive experience at The Observatory!
We are opening for Rolling Stones, U2 and Queen tribute bands with a Live Aid themed event to foster generosity this holiday season. Doors open at 6pm and we go on at 6:30 sharp, with a 45-minute set, so don’t be late!
There is a food drive too so bring a can or two, for those less fortunate than us. Tickets are $25, but if you let me know you are coming, how many tickets you need, and ideally the names of the attendees (helpful but not mission critical) I can get you in for FREE! Please let me know ASAP and no later than Friday morning, so I can put you and yours on the guest list. Invite your friends too as the more the merrier and more food for our struggling neighbors. Love, Neville
This past weekend some of us were discussing this salient topic.
If F.E.A.R = False, Evidence, Appearing Real
And Hope/Faith is “the substance of things to come, the evidence of things not yet seen”
Coupled with the Serenity Prayer inviting us to discern the difference between what we can and cannot change:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things, I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time. Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace. Taking, as he did, the sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that he will make all things right if I surrender to His will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever.”
Jim Collins, in “Good to Great” invites us to confront the brutal facts, but always maintain hope:
Every good-to-great company embraced what we came to call the “Stockdale Paradox”: you must maintain unwavering faith that you can and will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties, and at the same time, have the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
And Beloved Viktor Frankl reminds us of the choice that lies between stimulus and response:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” –Viktor Frankl
Hope is Not a Strategy:
What Does It Mean?
Hope will only get you so far. You cannot just wish away your (or the country’s) problems. There needs to be a concentrated effort to reduce problems and to increase positive opportunities. Just sitting around thinking about how the current situation could be better is not going to change anything, you also must act.
Certainly, hope and prayer can work in the face of a difficult situation, but you need to be prepared to do your part to assist in the completion of the goal as well.
Not to mention the Last Thing in Pandora’s Box:
The last “evil” in Pandora’s Box: Hope.
Was it a blessing or a curse? Here, I think more about Hope and how we can reframe it to unleash its power to shape a better future.
This morning, I was discussing clutching to expectations – and what happens when we mistake them for agreements with the universe.
If you’re inclined do reflect more on this discussion, read on…
About ten years ago, I was preparing a retreat in the mountains. I put my customary effort into setting up a meaningful schedule, food, and space. I smiled at my mental picture of people arriving softened by the landscape, ready to drop in. Maybe a few tears. Definitely some gratitude.
Then the first three folks walked in.
They looked tense. Distracted. One person asked if there was WiFi. Another frowned at her seating location like I’d personally betrayed her. And I felt it – my chest tightened, my stomach seemed a bit hollow. That unspoken internal oh.
I didn’t just prepare a retreat. I built a vision of how it should go. And reality, as it does, showed up differently.
The retreat unfolded beautifully, by the way. People softened. Insights came. But my first task was to let go of the version I’d been clutching, of my expectation.
We live in a field of expectations. We expect the coffee to brew. The light to turn green. The message to go thru. The emotion to pass. The body to cooperate. The person to understand.
Most of the time, these expectations are quiet, useful, and help us move through the world. We expect chairs to hold us. We expect that when we speak, someone might listen.
But then there are the other kind. The ones where expectation tips into attachment. Where we go from I hope this happens to It must happen this way, or I can’t be okay/I wont’ be okay.
That’s when the wobble starts.
In Buddhist teaching, this wobble is called dukkha. It’s often translated as “suffering,” but I think a better word is unsatisfactoriness. Stress. Dis-ease. The sense that something’s just… off.
The word is Pali, made up of Du – bad/difficult, and Kha – the axle hole in a wheel. The image is of an old timey wooden cart with a messed-up wheel. No matter how smooth the road, the wheel wobbles. The ride is never quite right – it’s unsatisfying.
Life is like that. Full of bumps and misalignments. Small or large. And yet, the practice approach isn’t to force the ride to be smooth. It’s to notice the wobble – and soften around it. To stop white-knuckling the reins. To sit back and breathe. This, by the way, is radical. It is unamerican. It is also deeply sane.
Because here’s the thing: expectation itself isn’t the problem. It’s the attachment. The demand that it go a certain way. The belief that our peace depends on it. That our identity is synonymous with it.
And when we catch that – when we notice the clench – we have a choice.
You know these moments in the brief meditation time you spend. Your thoughts: I should be more focused by now. Or: I shouldn’t still feel this way. Or: They should have responded. Or: It shouldn’t have said that.
Each one is a little bump in the wheel. A moment of dukkha.
But each one is also a gate. A small opening where awareness can slip in through the ego chatter.
I’ve learned to catch these moments – not perfectly, but more often. And when I do, I ask myself a simple question: What was I hoping for?
Sometimes the answer is obvious. Sometimes it surprises me. Maybe I was hoping for ease. For validation. For a different ending. For my body to feel better. For someone to get it.
And then I try something that sounds almost too simple to work, but it does: I soften the grip.
I don’t abandon the hope. I don’t pretend I don’t care. I just… loosen my fist around it.
I might say to myself: I care – but I don’t mind. Or: It’s okay if it’s not like that. Or one of my favs: May I meet this gently.
And my body responds. My shoulders drop. Something unclenches. The wobble is still there, but I’m not fighting it anymore.
So, here’s what I’m inviting you to try this week – a small inquiry you can use when you feel that tightness, that oh, that sense of something being off, that disappointment.
1.Name the experience. Objectively label the thought: Disappointment is here. Or: Ouch. Or: Not what I expected. Or just, Disappointed. Noting and labeling create space. This takes the charge down a notch.
2.Trace the expectation. Ask yourself (curiously, not accusatorial): What was I hoping for? What did I assume would happen? Let the answer arise. Maybe it was peace. A thank you. A different result. Just notice it.
3.Soften the attachment. Breathe into one of these phrases (or your own version): I care… but I don’t mind. It’s okay if it’s not like that. May I meet this moment gently. Let your body feel the refocus – from tension to presence.
This isn’t about forcing yourself to be okay with everything. It’s not spiritual bypassing. It’s just… making a little more room for things to be as they are.
I don’t know how to stop hoping. I don’t want to. You can still love, plan, prepare, dream. You can pour yourself into retreats and relationships and projects.
But the question is: Can you also let go when it doesn’t land the way you imagined?
Can you embrace reality as it is because it is the only reality that can be?
Can you sit back into the wobble and ride it with a little more grace?
It doesn’t mean you should turn off the news — which I have a tendency to do. We should also stay informed.
Know what’s going; on but don’t let politics, the news or the current stock market sink your psyche.
This doesn’t mean to be tone deaf or to turn the other cheek. It means stay even, stay civil, and shoot your shots if it’s aligned with your values.
Want to protest? Do it. Want to use this teaching opportunity for your kids? Do it. Want to reach out to someone on the other side to understand their POV? Do it.
We all lose when we lose ourselves in the chaos. We all lose when we’re humanrude, humanharsh or humancruel.
How will you show up? Why will you show up? Where will you show up?
If and when you do… stay humankind.
Jason Mraz- My Kind:
This song will lift you up and bolster your spirits!
Confucius had it right when he advised “before you go off to seek revenge it’s best to dig two graves.” Getting brilliant at forgiving those who have wronged and hurt you delivers these benefits to you as a leader, producer, and person:
—you avoid becoming a resentment collector, full of negativity and cynicism.
—you protect the energy needed to get big things done.
—you live in the present and pursue a richer future rather than staying stuck in the past.
—you free up a ton of creativity that would be consumed grumbling about what someone did to you.
—you remain peaceful and helpful instead of obsessing about being mistreated.
A few of the forgiveness rules that have been super useful to the clients I mentor:
1.Forgiveness isn’t condoning the behavior. No. It’s more about understanding that everyone does the best we can based on how we think. And, as Maya Angelou observed: “If they knew better, they would have done better.” How they behaved made sense to them at the time (read that twice), even if their actions were foolish and hurtful. So, practice the master skill of letting go.
2. Let success be your confident reply. Staying bitter and stagnant is a violent defeat. What I suggest is to try and use what someone did to you as soil for your growth and fuel for your winning. Let any pain you suffer actually purify you by processing through it so that you become emotionally richer, internally stronger, and personally wiser. And, as best as you can, exploit this newfound clarity, creativity, and maturity to build glorious fortunes of success, beauty, and inner freedom. Let an even more beautiful life be your elegant response.
3. What’s yours can’t be taken from you. Mom taught me this one and I wrote about the lesson in-depth in my latest book The Wealth Money Can’t Buy. What she taught me is that what’s meant for me can’t be taken from me and if something didn’t work out the way I wished it would have, it just wasn’t meant to be. Allow people to be on their own path and know that what unfolds for them is none of your business. Do your best and trust—with deep faith—that life has your back. And that what appears is always for your fortune, never for your failure.
4. Keep Death Close [KDC]. Reflecting on how short life really is and the fact that in 100 years, everyone alive today will be dust will give you perspective. A mistreatment that seems so big will begin to look small. You’ll see the value of moving on and letting the hurter deal with their karma. And you’ll be energized to “stick to your knitting” by doing what you know to be right, making excellent daily progress and remembering that good things inevitably happen to people who do great things.
Pets increase life satisfaction as much as marriage or close friendships: In a world where happiness often feels like a moving target, we constantly seek what brings true contentment.
People turn to careers, families, friendships, pets, and even meditation or travel in the hope of feeling joy and fulfillment in life.
A crow’s math skills include geometry: Crows in a lab were able to distinguish shapes that exhibited right angles, parallel lines, and symmetry, suggesting that, like humans, they have a special ability to perceive geometric regularity.
Missing toddler who walked 7 miles through Arizona wilderness led to safety by a dog: The rancher traced the boy’s steps and discovered that Buford, an Anatolian Pyrenees who normally patrols his land and wards off coyotes, had escorted the 2-year-old for at least a mile.
Happy Soul Food Friday! 