Fight the Blues with Some Tunes: These researchers found that within just a few weeks of starting lessons, subjects’ ability to process multisensory information – sight and sound – was enhanced.
What do I do when others around me, like my boss or coworkers, aren’t positive?”
No matter how positive we may choose to be, we’re always going to encounter others who aren’t. Thankfully there are things that we can do to help overcome their negativity or redirect it in a way that helps them become more positive as well. Here are few suggestions…
1. Make Your Bus Great – You may not be the leader of your organization. You may not be driving the “big bus,” but you can decide to make YOUR bus great. Every day just focus on being the best you can be and bring out the best in others while tuning out everything else. Tune out the negativity. Tune out the damaging comments. Tune out anything you can’t control. You can’t drive anyone else’s bus. Just drive your bus and make it a great ride.
2. Your Positive Energy Must Be Greater than All of the Negativity – In the book Power vs Force, author David Hawkins, MD shares research that 80 percent of the population vibrates to a negative frequency. The fact is negativity is all around us. It’s not just your coworker or boss. It’s everywhere. You must remember that your positive energy must be greater than all the negativity. As country wisdom suggests, “Never wrestle with a pig because you’ll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.” Instead, stay above the fray. Positive energy is much more powerful than negative energy. If you stay positive, the negativity can’t touch you.
3. Be The Seed – When you plant yourself where you are, with a desire to serve and make a difference, you will create very positive conditions for your growth. You’ll be amazed at how others start treating you more positively when you approach your work with a service mindset. They will sense something different in you and they will change the way they behave towards you. I encourage you to read The Seed and let the growing process begin.
4. Invite Your Boss or Co-Workers on Your Bus – Give your boss or coworkers a book on positive leadership. It could be one of my books or a book from another author. There are many great books out there. I’ve received countless emails from leaders who received The Energy Bus, The Power of Positive Leadership and The Carpenter from their employees and it changed the way they lead. Best of all, this change in leadership spreads throughout the organization. So don’t think you can’t change your situation or organization. You can. I’m convinced that very few people want to be negative. Most people are negative because of stress, busyness, and fear. Most people just need a wake-up call to break out of their rut. This is your opportunity to help someone else break free. Decide to be a beacon of light that shines on others. You’ll be amazed at what happens as a result.
5. If They Don’t Change, You Can – If all else fails you have a choice. You can decide to stay positive and outlast your boss or coworkers knowing that truth shines through and eventually a negative boss or coworkers won’t last, or you can decide to change your job. I’m not advocating simply giving up but if all else fails, you always have a choice. Remember, the best cultures that focus on positive leadership attract the best employees. Whatever you do, however, don’t allow a negative boss or coworker to get you down. With 80 percent of the population being negative, we need positive powerful people like you to offset the negativity.
So keep staying positive!
In Relationships
The Growth Mindset Applied to Marriage:
No one will deny that marriage is hard. In fact, there’s evidence it’s getting even harder. Revisit a favorite episode from 2018 about the history of marriage and how it has evolved over time. Historian Stephanie Coontz and psychologist Eli Finkel explore ways we can improve our love lives — including by asking less of our partners.
This week: Feast on Gratitude, Snack on Joy, Reset Your Nervous System and Learn From Nature
BE THANKFUL
Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don’t know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you’re tired and weary, because it means you’ve made a difference.
It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings.
~~Author Unknown.
Feast on gratitude this holiday season:
It could be good for you mentally, physically “Physiologically, when people are experiencing gratitude, or when they tend to be more grateful overall, they have lower blood pressure,” one expert notes.
It is Hard to be Hateful and Grateful at the Same Time-
The Health Benefits of a Random Act of Kindness: A simple act of kindness does much more than help the receiver, studies show, and any kindness you give to others is also a gift to yourself.
Why Giving Up Meat Is So Hard? Try “Reduce- atarian-ism”:
Now more than ever, people are attempting to reduce their meat consumption for ethical and environmental reasons. But in 2020, the U.S. ate more beef than the rest of the world, consuming a whopping 27 billion pounds.
Researchers played Lady Gaga for rats. They bopped their heads like humans. The rats in the study listened to an array of music from Mozart, Lady Gaga, Michael Jackson, Queen and Maroon 5.
Celebrating 40 Years of Teaching the Wisdom Traditions at UC San Diego
Where Did the Time Go? 40 Years of Teaching the Wisdom Traditions at UC San Diego:
If as a student at UC San Diego in the 80’s, you said that 40 years later I would still be teaching on campus, I would say you were nuckin’ futs!
Yet, this weekend, we find ourselves hosting a mini-camp, banquet and roast, celebrating 40 years of my teaching the wisdom traditions (martial arts, yoga and meditation) for the campus ecosystem and with the generations of students over the years, touching thousands of lives- now all over the world.
What started as a recreation club while a Muir college student in the dorms is the longest running contiguous program on campus, thanks to the help, support and loyalty of so many students, friends, and colleagues- many who are Sensei in their own right that have grown their own black belts and contributed to our community wellbeing.
Part of the prep work for camp includes some self-reflection, which is always in order as we tend to venerate action and vilify reflection in our human doing v. human being roles.
Here are a couple of examples I thought the Soul Food community would find beneficial so they are in this week’s missive for your wellbeing.
The first is the PERMAH Survey-
The PERMAH Survey is all about self-assessing your wellbeing, exploring the presence in our lives of Positive Emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning Accomplishment and Health.
This free, confidential, and fast survey can help you to gauge your current baseline with respect to your wellbeing, your functioning effectively, and your ability to flourish even in challenging times, particularly with the enhanced focused on self-care and mental health we are all experiencing nowadays
Strength to Strength is a powerful presentation by Arthur C Brooks at Harvard, based on a book of the same name (that some of us read as part of a book club) and serves as a practical roadmap to finding success, happiness and deep purpose in the second half of life.
If you are seeking more love, happiness, peace and purpose it is worth a listen:
You can play this like a podcast in the background while driving, cooking or cleaning if time is limited, but I do strongly encourage you to check it out.
A Blast from the Past:
Here is a short vid of the Inaugural True Triton Award I was honored to receive many moons ago
It speaks to the importance of volunteering and community engagement beyond writing fat checks and how we can all make a difference of consequence:
Finally, to end on a joyous sonic note enjoy the Sultans of Swing in the prime of their lives!
Thanks Ron!
(Or go crank your favorite tunes)
Thanks this week go to Dr. Dan D and Awakening Conscious Leadership, Dr. Alan D professor extraordinaire at UC San Diego, Matt L and the men in the Conscious Leader Collective, and all the amazing members of our Aoinagi Karate community near and far that have stuck by me through thick and thin, especially my wife Barb!
Please pay it forward with purpose, bare it all, and stay in tune with your inner and outer nature!
Love,
Neville
Baring it all!
Please Consider Subscribing to the Blog If It Resonates
Destigmatizing Homelessness and Doing Something About It:
Here is a short video I was able to help the San Diego Rescue Mission with on the topic of addressing homelessness, along with some local folks including Ken Blanchard, Mayor Sotelo-Solis of National City, Miles McPherson of The Rock Church, Steve Fisher former head basketball coach for SDSU, and others.
Thanks for caring about our most underestimated brothers and sisters…
8-year-old boy becomes youngest person to climb California’s El Capitan An 8-year-old boy became the youngest person to finish climbing El Capitan in California’s Yosemite National Park on Friday, according to his father, who has been by his side and cheering him on since the pair began their journey earlier this week.
Talking to strangers might make you happier, a study on ‘relational diversity’ finds A study finds that we are happier the more we talk with different categories of people — colleagues, family, strangers — and the more evenly our conversations are spread out among those groups.
“Lean out in your own way to make a difference in your community, so that others are inspired to stand up or go out on a limb for what matters” –Neville
Positive Self Talk: The Magic of Mindset by Devin C.
Affirmations are like magic words. The words you most often repeat in your mind affect your life and your future, for good or for bad.
You were probably taught as a child to not talk to yourself — well, throw all that out the window. Developing a strong inner dialogue that you can use to get in the groove is something I’d strongly recommend for anyone. When you stoke yourself up on positive self-talk, you’re able to foster stronger feelings of happiness and optimism.
Positive self-talk is a crucial, effective strategy they can use to combat any time of discomfort. This is why you will often see athletes mumbling to themselves before a game. They’ve been taught how to get in the right headspace for the challenges ahead of them. The beauty of self-talk is that it isn’t just great for sports. Parents, employees — anyone, really, can use self-talk to bring themselves into a more solid and positive frame of mind.
By definition, self-talk can be private thoughts or external speech, and whether it is positive or negative guides a person’s emotional and behavioral responses to discomfort.
If self-talk is negative, reflecting back the criticism you feel from others, you will automatically impose self-limitations that may take years to overcome. On the contrary, if the self-talk is positive, you can create a piece of armor to rely on for defense; whether it’s a work event or speaking in front of the room or seeking help from a co-worker, making new friends or defending oneself against a horrible person (sic), self-talk is extremely powerful.
When I was eight, I started to struggle with reading and writing. Before I was diagnosed with dyslexia, I was pulled into a group of five kids with serious learning disabilities.
A special aide came to work with us twice a day, calling us from our seats to the back of the room, where an accordion wall slid over to reveal a small side area. The walk felt like a slow death march. Everyone could read the scarlet letters tattooed across the slow learners’ foreheads.
“Devin’s with the short bus kids,” one of my classmates snickered. The laughter and comments made me feel exposed and hurt, because there was a part of me that almost believed them. After all, I was in the special education group, so the kids were peeling the scab off a very real vulnerability. That is why bullying is so damaging — it keys into deeply personal, truly embarrassing parts of a child’s psyche and seems to validate them. When a child utilizes self-talk as a response, he can shed the victim role and feel empowered instead.
In my case, rather than give in to the insecurity or tear my classmates down in return, I sat alone and breathed deeply. I could hear my father’s voice in my head: “People just don’t understand greatness,” he told me. “They don’t know what it looks like. You’ve just got to push through this.” I am, I can, I will, I thought fiercely. These people just don’t understand me. I will get through this. It was important to own that I was going through a difficult time, but believe I would get through it. Those positive affirmations helped deflect some of the bullets being fired at me.
Now, as an adult, I can see how they also demonstrate the power of a parent’s lessons in self-talk. In order for you to connect with others, you have to first be comfortable who you see in the mirror.
WHAT YOU CAN DO
● Develop “trigger words” — a positive mantra you connect with and can repeat anytime that you need to self-soothe. Trigger words will help you feel empowered and may come from a favorite song or movie, as well as what parents and teachers instill in them. My trigger words came from my father: “I am, I can, I will.” Even as an adult, I turn to this reassuring phrase anytime I feel self-doubt, fear, or insecurity.
● Learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable. In other words, learn coping strategies for discomfort by placing yourself in situations (on purpose) where you must develop a skill you currently do not have. As a child, I thought the arts were unmanly — so my father made me play the bassoon. My confidence increased once I mastered the instrument, and I could refer to that experience in other times of discomfort.
There’s a Mental Health Crisis Among American Children. Why?
Sleep doctor’s trick to fall asleep faster – and it can help if you wake up at 3am A sleep doctor has shared her go-to trick to help relax your body and potentially fall asleep faster – and it could even come in handy if you’re prone to waking up in the middle of the night.
A horse ran away with wild mustangs. It just came home, 8 years later. Eight years ago, Shane Adams’s beloved horse, Mongo, became one of about 86,000 wild mustangs roaming the West. But last week, he finally came home.
Alaska snow crab season canceled after an estimated 1 billion crabs disappear An estimated 1 billion crabs have mysteriously disappeared from Alaskan waters in two years, officials said.
“It doesn’t matter who you love, where you love, why you love, when you love, or how you love, it only matters THAT you love!”- John Lennon
‘My teenage hormones were raging!’: stars salute the Beatles’ Love Me Do at 60 It confused Gene Simmons, inspired Judy Collins and changed one pop star’s mum’s haircut. Here, musicians recall the impact of the Beatles’ debut single
— Lila Watson, Australian Aboriginal woman, in response to
mission workers
An Indigenous tribe and a team of scientists help condors soar again Once pushed to the brink of extinction, condors are soaring in Northern California skies again with the help of an Indigenous tribe and a team of scientists.
Australia hands control of its newest national parks to Indigenous peoples The landmark move includes tourism efforts highlighting 60,000 years of Native culture and is part of a push to reckon with the country’s colonial legacy.
“Let us therefore decide both upon the Goal and upon the Way, and not fail to find some experienced Guide who has explored the region towards which we are advancing, for the conditions of this Journey are different from those of most travel.” — Seneca
Just 2 minutes of walking after eating can help blood sugar, study says Getting up and moving after you eat — even if it’s only for two minutes — can help control blood sugar levels, a new study says. If you can’t do that, try standing. It helps, too.
What Can the Wisdom Traditions Teach Us About Winning and Losing?
Are We Civilized?
Kindness 101: Friendship
Why It’s Perfectly Normal to See Baby Puffins Thrown Off Cliffs in Iceland Each Year
Your “Before I Die List” with Robin Sharma
+ Taking You Out With The Unbridled Joy Of Music (I Can’t Help Myself- It Always Cracks My Heart Open!)
In the past week, I had the privilege of speaking at the CIF Symposium where the focus was proper sportsmanship, not just by the student athletes, but by coaches and spectators too!
Thought you might value this perspective…
TOKYO, JAPAN – AUGUST 01: Gianmarco Tamberi of Italy celebrates sharing the gold medal with Muta Essa Barshim of Qatar in the High Jump on day nine of the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games at Olympic Stadium on August 01, 2021 in Tokyo, Japan. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)
What Can the Wisdom Traditions Teach Us About Winning and Losing?
If we look at what have become an all too common cultural norm, be it in politics, business or personal life, it seems that winning at all costs has replaced the more humane and wise notion of winning- but doing so following the rules of the game and a moral imperative.
When we look the other way, ignoring fouls and other ethical violations, are we tacitly endorsing these behaviors at best, or enabling at worst, behaviors that are antithetical to our own betterment and survival not just as individuals but as a species?
In the wisdom traditions, using traditional martial arts as a proxy, we are trained to strive for personal excellence and the contest whether in the ring of competition on in the ring of life provides a “proving ground” to test ourselves not just versus another player or contestant but against our own best potential.
Here there are 4 levels of winning and losing, not just the binary winning and losing we have become all too familiar with today.
The highest level of achievement is an honorable win. Your win is supported by right conduct and if you know you did not win cleanly you self-report the foul or incident rather than hide it under the rug or play to the chorus of if it wasn’t seen, or can’t be proved, then it didn’t happen.
One level down from this is an honorable loss. If you lost but did your best and were beaten fair and square you honor both your opponent and yourself, and learn from the experience by being a gracious “loser”. Here winning still occurs through character development, investing in loss, and remaining focused on long term growth not just short term outcomes. Honorable losses build resiliency and forge a character of perseverance and grit.
Next comes a dishonorable win and obviously in last place comes the dishonorable loss where in spite of trying every dirty trick in the book you still get your clock cleaned!
Whether it is in Olympic competition against the best in the world, or a personal competition to better oneself, it would be useful to foster a climate/culture that underscores the importance of honor and humility in the “success calculus” or we find the win meaningless, transitory and ultimately not supportive of our individual or collective growth.
Daily Practice:
This can also play out in our day to day choices; doing the right thing for the right reason, the wrong thing for the right reason, the right thing for the wrong reason and the wrong thing for the wrong reason. I will leave it to you to discern the hierarchy and Faustian bargain this path takes us to when left to its ultimate conclusion.
Much is made of Alpha animals dominating their tribe and being willing to prevail over all contenders both inside and out.
Not as much is understood or appreciated about Alpha leaders, even in primates, modeling empathy and seeing their primary role as caring for and supporting their group not just terrorizing their peers and den members.
A real Alpha leader has the capacity to win at all costs but subordinates themselves.
I have heard altruism defined as “self-handicapping” for the greater good…
What kind of leader do you want to model, follow or create?
Let’s start now!
Love,
Neville
Are We Civilized?
Helping someone else through difficulty is where civilization starts!
“Years ago, anthropologist Margaret Mead was asked by a student what she considered to be the first sign of civilization in a culture. The student expected Mead to talk about fishhooks or clay pots or grinding stones.
But no. Mead said that the first sign of civilization in an ancient culture was a femur (thighbone) that had been broken and then healed. Mead explained that in the animal kingdom, if you break your leg, you die. You cannot run from danger, get to the river for a drink or hunt for food. You are meat for prowling beasts. No animal survives a broken leg long enough for the bone to heal.
A broken femur that has healed is evidence that someone has taken time to stay with the one who fell, has bound up the wound, has carried the person to safety and has tended the person through recovery. Helping someone else through difficulty is where civilization starts, Mead said.”
We are at our best when we serve others. Be civilized.
Kindness 101: Friendship As part of the ongoing series “Kindness 101,” Steve Hartman and his kids are sharing stories built around themes of kindness and character and the people who’ve mastered both. His latest lesson is friendship.
Why It’s Perfectly Normal to See Baby Puffins Thrown Off Cliffs in Iceland Each Year Throwing thousands of baby puffins off a cliff is a yearly tradition for the people of Iceland’s Westman Islands. It’s part of what’s known as “puffing season” and is a crucial life-saving endeavor.
Sorry to bring up death in the title yet you and I both come with an expiration date.
Like it or not, we’ll all end up as dust. Soon or late.
Makes me think of Ted Leonsis. The tech titan, visionary leader and business disruptor.
He was on a plane when the pilot said it looked like they would crash. Just imagine. Actually, please don’t.
Face to face with the end, he reflected on the things that truly mattered. No accessories. Only priorities.
He considered all the things he didn’t do and the places he didn’t visit and the people he failed to meet.
He confronted his truest values and highest visions, reflecting on the busyness of life and how it causes even the best amongst us to stray from the mission.
Fortunately the aircraft landed safely.
In the terminal, Ted wrote out a list that would transform his life: a list of 101 things that he vowed to do before he died.
Within a few years most were done.
Yet here’s the opportunity for you to take a few pristine hours—hidden away from the world—to generate your list. Of 50 or 75 or 100 things you absolutely must get done before you pass into that great field of daisies in the sky.
It’ll help you identify what truly counts. So you can strip out the trivialities. And lead your most majestic life. Beginning (hopefully) today. Because now is a gorgeous time to start a better way.
Take You Out With The Unbridled Joy Of Music:
From 8 to 80, the love of music makes your heart sing
