1. Stay Positive. You can listen to the cynics and doubters and believe that success is impossible or you can trust that with faith and an optimistic attitude all things are possible.
2. Take a morning walk of gratitude. I call it a “Thank You Walk.” It will create a fertile mind ready for success.
3. Make your first meal the biggest and your last meal the smallest. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge car. 🙂
4. Remember that outside circumstances and events have no power over you. You create your world from the inside-out.
5. Talk to yourself instead of listen to yourself. Instead of listening to your complaints, fears and doubts, talk to yourself and feed your mind with words of truth and encouragement you need to keep moving forward.
6. Post a sign that says “No Energy Vampires Allowed.” Gandhi said, “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”
7. Don’t chase dollars or success. Decide to make a difference and build meaningful relationships and success will find you.
8. Get more sleep. You can’t replace sleep with a double latte.
9. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in your purpose, people and the positive present moment.
10. You don’t have to be great to serve but you have to serve to be great. Look for opportunities to Love, Serve and Care.
11. Live your purpose. Remember why you do what you do. We don’t get burned out because of what we do. We get burned out because we forget why we do it.
12. There’s no such thing as an overnight success. Anything worthwhile takes time to build.
13. Trust that everything happens for a reason and expect good things to come out of challenging experiences.
14. Implement the No Complaining Rule. If you are complaining, you’re not leading.
15. Read more books than you did in 2015. I happen to know of a few good ones. : )
16. Don’t seek happiness. Instead decide to live with passion and purpose and happiness will find you.
17. Focus on “Get to” vs “Have to.” Each day focus on what you get to do, not what you have to do. Life is a gift not an obligation.
18. The next time you “fail” remember that you aren’t failing, you are becoming. You aren’t failing, you are growing.
19. Smile and laugh more. They are natural anti-depressants.
20. Enjoy the ride. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy it.
Every year I look forward to seeing 2-1-1 San Diego’s annual video at their Annual Connections Luncheon. This year, their event is taking on a new twist to celebrate their moving into a bigger, state-of-the-art facility, and I was asked to make a cameo appearance in the video. The Rock the House celebration, on 2/12, is going to be a great event and I hope you’ll come see my debut. Oh, did I mention that live entertainment will be provided by Grammy award-winning group Ozomatli? Get your tickets today http://211connections.org/211-event/
Thanks this week go to Viv S, Karen Sneha-ji M, Larry H, Dr. Amen, and the team at 2-1-1 connecting 500,000 people every year to social services and key government entities.
Stay Connected!!
Love,
Neville
“No man should bring children into the world who is unwilling to persevere to the end in their nature and education.”— Plato
In Germany, they came first for the Communists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist; And then they came for the trade unionists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist; And then they came for the Jews, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew; And then… they came for me. ..And by that time there was no one left to speak up. –Rev Martin Niemoller, January 1946
What is your favorite David Bowie song?
This week: Cultural Apartness and Double Standards
The Risks of Cultural Apartness:
Native American cultural imperialism, 19th Century Americans and the Mormons, Anti-Semitism throughout the ages, Japanese- American Internment, Civil Rights issues, Gay Rights, Anti-immigrant bigotry – where does it end?
But first, 10 Uncommon Principles to Make 2016 a Really Good Year:
Here we go again, another year has flown by at warp speed and a new one is upon us. As we look back at 2015, we are reminded that we can do whatever we set our minds and talents to. The strength of the human spirit, the determination to overcome challenges, and the power of ingenuity and positive thinking never cease to inspire and surprise. Look back and appreciate everything you’ve accomplished this past year, then look at what you want to change as you imagine the year ahead and you’ll have a strong foundation to map a plan for 2016.
What did you learn in 2015? What did you accomplish? What impact did you have on the lives of those around you?
These are questions to ask as you begin the New Year, and also valuable as you take inventory at the end of the year. Like many, I write my goals for the year on a page and review them monthly. As I think about who I am and how I walk through the year, I experiment with a set of principles to help guide me from year to year.
The world needs good to shine bright and to show what it’s made of more so than ever, so for me 2016 is going to be fueled by looking for, and bringing goodness and the very best energy to each day. Operating with the premise that each day can be the best day possible if the right attitude is applied, here are a few principles that can help you think about 2016 in a new way and get the absolute best out of the year ahead.
Life gets exponentially better when you realize that it’s not all about you. Put others first and you’ll see a difference in your life. Begin by picking five of the most important people in your life and work hard to put their needs ahead of your own.
You get to choose the attitude you start with each day. Set yourself a 365 Day Gratitude Challenge and begin each day listing what you’re grateful for. People who practice gratitude consistently report a host of benefits, from stronger immune systems and lower blood pressure to higher levels of positive emotions, more joy, optimism and happiness, and act with more generosity and compassion.
The world needs more people and more companies doing more for good. If you lead a team, run a company or are an entrepreneur, carefully examine what doing more for good means in your business. Align your purpose, your values and your people around a meaningful cause. This should apply to your employees, supplier relationships, and the impact on the environment and your community.
Think about something you’ve always wanted to do and map a plan to make it happen. Even if it’s five years from now, having a vision for what you want to achieve is critical to helping accomplish your dreams. If you never start, you’ll never get there. For me this year, it’s going to be writing a book.
Time is the most important currency we trade with. How and where you invest your time is where you’ll see the greatest returns. Making the most of your time is one of the most important planning tasks you should undertake.
Look back at the past 365 days and celebrate something you’re exceptionally proud of. Now, identify something you are not exceptionally proud of. Think about what you learned from both and how to apply those lessons to the year ahead.
Being a beginner is hard, but you can learn a lot by doing something entirely new for the first time. Sign up for that silent yoga retreat, that Chinese language class or attempt that nine-mile hike—you get the picture. Perhaps the most important piece of this principle is the self-examination afterwards. Ask yourself what the experience taught you. What did you learn by doing something new? Make this the year you aim to learn something new every day.
Everything you do matters. Every action you take, and every conversation you have, matters. Designing your actions with purpose and intentionality is an opportunity to design the life you’ve always wanted.
With daily routines and responsibilities, and the growing list of to-dos stealing time, it’s easy to overlook the simple moments of joy. It’s important to appreciate every step of your daily journey. Each week, choose one day (Sundays work best for me)—pick the three most important tasks and focus only on those.
Planning time is becoming valued less and less. Every part of life and business seem to be moving faster than ever. There’s significant benefit in slowing down to go faster and designing a project carefully at the start by defining success and setting clear expectations for all involved. There’s no time like the present, because the present is right now. Print this list and think about what you’re going to commit to changing this year. Share the list with your closest friends and that member of your family who needs a good kick in the pants. Make a commitment to apply these Uncommon Principles to the year ahead so you can get the absolute most out of 2016. And remember, make it the best year ever.
Double Standards when it comes to Who is a Protestor & Who is a Terrorist?
What would happen if the protestors in Oregon were Muslims asks Wajahat Ali?
“If 15 Muslim Americans held up a 7-Eleven while drinking Masala Slurpees, holding BB guns, I think you’d have some presidential candidates right now suggesting that they carpet bomb the parking lot and/or send in a drone strike”
Deliberate, cynical manipulation of Fear, and Anti-immigrant bigotry is the ultimate in being un-American, because if you are not a native American your ancestors immigrated here at some point…
“I’m going to be damned if I’m going to let anyone tell me that the American narrative does not belong to me or my son just because he happens to be brown, multi-hyphenated and Muslim.”
Legitimate human fears being preyed on by politicians to get votes? They should know better!
Will we allow ourselves to be manipulated and divided or will we allow the best of our American values to help us to come together as a pluralistic nation?
If, in a vacuum, I told you that a bearded man with his head covered had posted a video on social media calling on his followers to leave their homes with weapons, migrate to a new area, take over government property “as long as necessary” and use violence if confronted by law enforcement, you’d probably assume that I was talking about the latest propaganda video released by Isis, filmed in Iraq or Syria and intended to recruit violent Muslimextremists.
If one black man holding a plastic toy gun even walked in the direction of a federal building, let alone with 150 other black men all holding loaded rifles, he’d be shot dead by law enforcement, no questions asked.
The Sacred and Profane, How NOT to Negotiate with Believers by Malcolm Gladwell
With what’s going on in Oregon, one can’t help but think back to the Branch Davidian standoff in Waco in 1993.
Here’s a penetrating piece from Malcolm Gladwell – appropriately entitled “Sacred and Profane” – on the multifaceted communication and intervention challenges of the Waco Siege with implications for current times:
Saturday, January 16th 9am – 12 noon El Camino High School Truax Theater
Parent Palooza
Hear from Parenting Experts and Global Leaders
The event is free.
Sunday, January 17th 2-4pm Junior Seau Oceanside Amphitheater
Closing Finale
Showcasing OUSD Students: Ballet, Folklorico, Polynesian Dancers School Performances
No registration required.
Thanks this week go to JPC, Shawn P, Wajahat Ali, James H, Larry H, & all of us who strive to learn from wisdom and live in integrity…
Pay it forward!
Love,
Neville
“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
If YOU Are Local: Join us and help spread awareness for this first of its kind community event!
Youth Success Week is free to the community!
Thirty presenters, keynoters, authors and workshop leaders are volunteering their time throughout the week with events for community members as well as delivering assemblies in all our Oceanside schools.
Attend these exciting events and share them with others!
Sunday, January 10th 1:30 pm – 4 pm QLN Conference Center
Attend the Star-studded Opening Kick-off
Hear Dr. Duane Coleman, OUSD Superintendent, Stedman Graham, author Identity and other key presenters, along with students sharing What is Success and 8 Key of Excellence presentations.
Youth Success Week Is sponsored by the Community Alliance for Youth Success (CAYS), co-founded by Stedman Graham and Bobbi DePorter, in alliance with the Oceanside Unified School District and the Oceanside Promise.
Designed to engage and catalyze our entire community on matters related to the success and well-being of our youth, Youth Success Week will bring together visionary educators, student and community leaders, professional experts, youth-serving organizations, entertainers, parents and students in an unprecedented demonstration of how a community can come together and put its children first.
Come and Participate! Register for events on the links above.
Stedman Graham, Stedman and Associates CEO and CAYS co-founder
Bobbi DePorter, LFI President and CAYS co-founder; President of Quantum Learning Network
Luisa Csathy, Founder, Giving Tree Movement
Dr. Ken Druck, Founder, Jenna Druck Center
Steve Farber, CEO and Speaker, Extreme Leadership
Neville Billimoria, SVP and Chief Advocacy Officer, Mission Federal Credit Union
Helice Bridges, CEO and Founder, Difference Makers International
Starla Lewis, CEO, C.E.L.L
Marlaine Cover, President, The Global Presence
Tia Ross, CEO, Motivating the Teen Spirit
Marcy Morrison, Career Coach
Lisette Omoss, Community Volunteer, Realtor, Photographer
John Cotter, Speaker, Community Activist, Career Educator
Thanks this week go to Larry H, Robin S, Peter B-S, the CAYS group that has worked hard for over 3 years to bring this vision to fruition, and Andrea for helping me get this out, rain or shine every week!
“To live is not to learn but to apply” –Ernest Legouve
This week:
Talking ‘Bout My Education
At the end of the day or month, or year, my passion and purpose is education.
Here are a few items to keep the Life is for Learning mindset cranking as we turn the dial from 2015 to 2016.
End-of-life research reveals that people who embrace this life theory are most satisfied. This mindset allows for life’s undeserved ups and downs as a means to personally grow into a better person.
At the end of our lives what most happy people have wished for is that they have become wiser and more loving.
This is my wish for you…
Funny:
Parenting And Education: 15 Hilarious Parenting Comics that are Almost TOO Real
Let’s create the space for us to all laugh about the common experiences all parents share.
Let’s teach compassion and kindness. Compassion and kindness are my religion…
Education History: Photos of our True History
Worker replacing chalkboards, finds 98 year old drawings and lessons hidden behind them
When contractors began work on four classrooms of Emerson High School in Oklahoma, they knew their remodel would improve education — but they never expected it would impact local history.
What do you STAND for as an educator? What are you most passionate about improving at your school? What can you do about it? Stand with other administrators, superintendents, directors and teachers who are making a difference in the classroom, school, and community.
Click hereto watch the video, 5 Ways to Stand for Greatness in Education.
Education Satire
This one will make you think and keep us from getting too complacent…
“We have all failed at something. We all still fail at things. It’s not that you fail, it’s that you keep going.”
OC Pathways Showcase demonstrates the sky is not the limit for Orange County students
“Love is the best medicine, and there is more than enough to go around once you open your heart.”
– Julie Marie
The Winter Solstice:
This is the beginning of the season of Winter.
On this day the longest night of the year is followed by the renewal of the sun.
It is a pivot point from which the light will grow stronger and brighter.
Solstice means…standing-still-sun.
This name comes from the fact that the sun at its noontime elevation appears to be in the same place for several days before and after the solstice.
On this day the sun appears at its lowest point in the sky.
On this day in the northern hemisphere the Sun is farthest south on the horizon and the time between Sunrise and Sunset is the shortest of the year.
The days begin to grow longer, we are happy when the light begins to return after the long nights of winter.
Creating a meaningful celebration of winter solstice, can help us cultivate a deeper connection with nature, family, friends and community.
Celebrating the solstice can be a beautiful reminder that our lives are part of a larger order, always changing always renewing.
A way to bring warmth, light and cheerfulness into the dark time of the year.
A way humans for many millenniums have marked this sacred time in the yearly cycle of life. The solstice can serve as a touchstone to help us cultivate an attitude of receptiveness and appreciation that will carry us through the holiday season.
Reflect on the stillness of the day by cultivating stillness in yourself.
Maybe spend more time listening, watching and honoring the slower, quieter rhythm of the season.
Darkness and night are times of rest, dreaming, healing and growth.
Seeds must be put into the dark earth in order to send out roots and push up new shoots.
Native plants bloom now so that their seeds will be formed and fall to the ground early enough in spring to take advantage of the rains.
Plant a seed for a more intuitive, simpler and natural holiday season.
If you want to change something in your life or something about yourself the solstice is a good time to work on it.
This longest night can be a time of journeying deep into our inner dreamtime to bring forth a dream that can help us in the new year.
A new year with fresh possibilities reborn in us all.
The Winter Solstice is a chance to clean house both inner and outer, so what would you like to get rid of or leave behind?
This is:
A time for reflection, rest and renewal.
A time for feeding the spirit and nurturing the soul.
A Christmas Perspective: Heaven or Hell:
We live in an age of extremes. Most of us are a bit hypnotized by our smart phones overflowing with the stream of urgent trivia as well as vital information that impacts our work, our families and our lives. Our brains and emotions were not designed for this constant onslaught of stimulation.
At the same time personal meditation has gone mainstream. More and more business organizations are teaching their employees the disciplines of mindfulness and encouraging them to meditate, even at work. Yoga has never been so popular.
Extremes also dominate our inner life of meaning. Religions struggle to resolve their old doctrines that create tribal beliefs while the world culture simplifies spirituality into universal love.
Humans are designed to wrestle with the big questions. We seek certainty in an uncertain world. We want the light of unchanging truth as we try to make good decisions in the dark.
There are many big thinkers who believe that we are transitioning from a religious age through a secular age to a spiritual age. Time will tell. But I believe what really matters is that each of us wrestle with our theory of life until we arrive at a world that helps us to be the best person we can imagine becoming.
There is nothing more personal than our inner theory of the meaning of life. Even in the most ‘doctrinaire’ religions each individual creates their own personal theology.
It is inescapable. According to Gallup surveys a large percentage of avowed atheists sincerely pursue humanitarian ideals because they believe in a vague but real source of empathy-based morality…”The Golden Rule.”
So what is your theory of life? How do you derive meaning? Research suggests that there are three main theories:
I can control the events of my life through perfect obedience to moral rules. (This is the common belief that if you say your prayers and eat your Wheaties that bad things won’t happen.) Although this mindset is obviously flawed, millions of people hang onto it as their only strategy to control things that evidently can’t be controlled. This is very stressful and creates a crisis of faith. After all, when a loving God allows really bad things to happen to really good people it makes you wonder, “What the hell is going on?” Psychological research tells us that this theory of life creates a lot of inner fears and anxiety.
Life happens…deal with it. This theory suggests that life is ultimately meaningless and random. Seeking pleasure and avoiding pain is the only rational approach. The problem with this theory is that seeking pleasure does not fill the hole in our hearts that can only be filled with deeper meaning. Most often when we see people who have lived their lives on the pleasure maximization principle, those like Hugh Hefner, and we feel sad for them or disgusted.
Life is for learning. End-of-life research reveals that people who have this life theory are most satisfied. This mindset allows for life’s undeserved ups and downs as a means to personally grow into a better person. Again, at the end of our lives what most happy people have wished for is that they have become wiser and more loving. (Not richer or more famous.) This theory of life is very optimistic and robust because it trains our inner voice to tell us that we can learn something beneficial from everything that happens to us. It infuses meaning into everyday life. It makes our setbacks sacred. And it makes us grateful for our successes. When people say everything happens for a reason what they are acknowledging is that we can benefit from all of life’s experiences… if we choose to. That’s the inner story that will make you the most stress resilient and satisfied.
So now some thoughts on the meaning of Christmas. For a minute let me separate the message of Christ from Christian religions. But before I do, let me give you a few thoughts on religion. Contrary to popular belief most wars have been fought over land and money not religious ideology. Much, much good has been done by both individuals who are devoutly religious and by religions themselves.
However, when hard power, competitive people, who are almost always men, claim to have an exclusive relationship with God it brings out the worst in them. It legitimizes mind control, bigotry, slavery, holy war and terrorism. So, its also true that lots of very terrible things happen in the name of religion.
Religion can also serve a great human purpose by helping people gain impulse control and self-discipline, which are vital tools on the path to personal fulfillment. And it also turns out that people who worship together are psychologically happier and live longer. This is true even if they don’t believe exactly the same things. There is something potent about communal celebration of a belief that life has purpose, love is the supreme value, and that our choices and actions matter.
Today there are thousands of Christian sects so Christianity is more of a tapestry of beliefs with thousands of individual threads. Some Christians try to strip away the centuries of added dogmas and doctrines that obscure the message of Jesus. Sometimes these are called “Red LetterChristians” because in many New Testaments the words that are attributed to Christ are printed in red. These folks tend to downplay the words of Paul in his epistles as well as theologians, founders of religions and others who claim a special power to speak in the name of God. (Or for that matter to speak for the universe… or the force…)
The reason that Red Letter Christians like to focus on the words of Christ is because they are almost universally words of inclusion, non-judgment and forgiveness, even for big whopping moral flaws. Instead of commandments Christ gives us the Beatitudes. In fact he says the whole moral law can be reduced to one big idea. We need to actively love each other. Complicating things more than that destroys the power of universal compassion.
Of course we need to love each other wisely. Love does not mean co-dependence or allowing selfish, evil-acting people to cause suffering for the rest of us. Real love is not weak… it is strong. Christ did not hesitate to condemn the religious establishment of his time as being power-mad, greedy and mean.
My point in all this is that it doesn’t matter if someone says Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays or nothing at all. The spiritof Christ’s message is that loving-kindness really matters. When our personal characters are drenched in loving-kindness guided by wisdom we are becoming the best person we can imagine.
I have one last Christmas time thought. Some of you might find it disturbing but I find it exciting. The Christian mystic and scientist Emanuel Swedenborg writes that heaven and hell are really states of mind. The states of mind are so powerful they literally create our experience. And we actually create either heaven or hell right now through our conscious awareness.
Although Swedenborg does not actually seem to say this, the implication of his mystical experiences is that we are currently living in hell. That’s why bad things happen. That’s why life is so uncertain, so often unfair. That’s why when people relate near death experiences they often say they don’t want to return to a world full of undeserved pain and sorrow.
This point of view gives rise to the idea that this is the best of all possible worlds. If there could be any less suffering or uncertainty, there would be. What I find comforting about this possibility is that instead of being frustrated and angry with all the injustice we experience and see innocent others’ experiences I can be grateful that my higher self has an opportunity to make things just a little bit better. It also helps me relish all that is good in my life. It makes me want to strive to bring the conditions of heaven into my life and the lives of others in any way that I can.
Maybe I’m goofy. I don’t pretend to know what I don’t know. And I don’t know a lot of things. But what I do know is that loving others wisely is my path to meaningful happiness. Loving makes me a better person.
I like to think about that Christmas time. Be happy.
Will
The Holiday of Miracles Campaign: It is easy to be a miracle maker!
Here we are on the air supporting this important cause over the holidays with the Matching Pledge hour from Mission Fed
The Holiday of Miracles radiothon which I helped name some moons ago, this year raised $265,000 for Rady Children’s Hospital-San Diego!
Fundraising for Rady Children’s means that kids have the best possible care. That means that us parents that walk through the doors know their child is in good hands. It means that our local hospital has the resources to take care of any baby, kid or teen that comes in and the families doesn’t need to go somewhere else for great care. It means that this hospital has the resources, the talent and the technology to not only care for these kids, but to revolutionize the way we care for them and all kids globally. Some examples are the Genomics institute, new treatments, breakthrough surgeries, cancer research – anything that means a child has a better chance at life and quality of life. Fundraising goes to patient care, technology and equipment, research, advocacy and unfunded patient care. With 214,000 individual kids who came through the doors last year – it is good to provide this support to the hospital. Without philanthropy, Rady Children’s would be just another hospital.
A Bridge for Santa:
Some seasonal joy, even though it is in a sugary container 🙂
Why People Winter in Florida:
Thanks this week go to Bill S, Will M, the Holiday of Miracles team and Larry H.
Season’s Greetings to you and yours!
Pay it forward…
Love,
Neville
“Love is the best medicine, and there is more than enough to go around once you open your heart.”
This weekly bastion of positivity and good energy for years, today, takes a sobering look at gun deaths, violence and terrorism, putting them in perspective rather than laced in inflammatory rhetoric.
Rest assured we still have good “mojo in the dojo”, and will be back to focusing on the positive and best nature of humanKIND, but this context is important if we are to retain our soul as a nation and unwilling to let paranoia destroy ya…
Let’s choose pronoia over paranoia while remaining vigilant and hopeful!
Trust in God but tie your camel (mid-east saying)
Pray like everything depends on God but work like everything depends on you (mid-west saying)
“You have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.”- Sam Levenson
This week:
Giving in to Your Vulnerability and That of Others ( A Soul-Filled Story)
Giving in to Helping Others is not the Enemy of Productivity, it is the Mother Lode Motivator (A NY Times Article that Totally Captures My Philosophy of Life)
Giving up Control Just Might in Improve your Mood and Wellbeing (Research That Suggests Letting Go Can Be Liberating!)
Give in to the Amazing World S/He has Given Us (Pictures that Make You Go Ahhhh…)
If you are local…
See Indecent at the La Jolla Playhouse!
This play within a play is a “blink in time: that as relevant today as when the first play was written in 1906. Experience the power of art to challenge the status quo with intellectual honesty and heartfelt appeal for issues of racism, sexual liberation and history repeating itself…
An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. ‘I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.’ The old woman smiled, ‘Did you notice that there are flowers on your Side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side?’
‘That’s because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.’ For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.’
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You’ve just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. SO, to all of my cracked pot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!
Is Giving the Secret to Getting Ahead?
This New York Times magazine article eloquently captures my philosophy of life:
WHAT IF…by letting go of control, you gain.RESEARCH SAYS: New research compared the effects on mood and well-being of two approaches to uncertainty called “primary” and “secondary” control. Primary control is the go-to strategy of control freaks. In this approach you try to beat uncertainty by eliminating it, i.e. you do your best to control everything. Not surprisingly, this approach did not work well in real life leading to negative moods and feelings. In short, the inevitable failure of this approach bummed people out. Those who practiced secondary control, however, were happier and more peaceful. Secondary control is all about exercising control of your expectations and judgment, rather than of events. You can’t control everything in life but you can control your beliefs.
TRY THIS: Think of something you absolutely fear happening. Imagine what you would do if the worst happened. Feel your stress dissolve as you come to terms with how good you make your inner life when your outer life is sucky. What a Wonderful World S/He gifted us with!
You are royalty. A sovereign over the empires of potential within you. The hardships of life may have hypnotized you into forgetfulness of your greatness. The pain of dreams gone bad may have shuttered your passion and smothered your conviction. The arrows of jealous critics may have caused you to imprison the hero within. Please know: this day is a fresh chance. A miracle in waiting. This moment is a vast gift.
This minute presents you with a blank canvas of acute possibility and breathtaking opportunity… …to reclaim the royalty you have been born into. To conquer vast new lands of compassion, creativity, audacity and humanity.
You being alive today is no accident. There is a reason you are reading this. And a readiness deep within you to shed the shackles of past pain to make your rise to a new way of seeing the rest of your life.
Rise up! Own your birthright for your unique form of greatness that we of the world demand from you.
Be a light. Spot the gorgeousness of the future you can make, via the right thinking, speaking, behaving and producing.
One small step–done in a single minute of glory on this gift of a day–will be the beginning of a new way of being, when done consistently and devotedly.
You deserve to remember your highness. To know the privileges of your royal–and finest self. And as you make the leap from your current life to the life that longs for you to know it, I will watch your star blaze.
Because that’s what I do.
And we all will applaud your bravery.
Much love + with boundless belief in the brilliance that you are,
Being Thankful Fosters Happiness with Will Marre:
PONDER THIS… “Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgiving, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” –William Arthur Ward
RESEARCH SAYS: We have some pretty strange holiday traditions…dressing up in costumes and going from door to door asking for candy, a big bunny hiding colorful eggs, a leprechaun leaving a gold treasure…you get the idea. But the Pilgrims were really onto something with Thanksgiving. Being thankful, after all, fosters happiness. People who are grateful are likely to be happier, hopeful and energetic, and they possess positive emotions more frequently. Individuals also tend to be more spiritual or religious, forgiving, empathetic and helpful, while being less depressed, envious or neurotic. In fact, gratitude can increase your happiness by 25%.
TRY THIS: Don’t forget what Thanksgiving is really all about and try to carry the spirit of Thanksgiving into your life every day.
The Power of Gratitude in Leadership with Peter Barron Stark:
What Makes a Great Leader in the Other 11 months of the year?
You Have Heard of Black Friday, but how about #Giving Tuesday?
What Kids really Value over the Holidays:
10 Most Inspirational Ads- The Last Three are Amazing!
An Epiphany from a Student of the Power of Gratitude
An Attitude of Gratitude (at Work):
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You Have Heard of Black Friday, but how about Giving Tuesday?
WHAT IS #GIVINGTUESDAY?
We have a day for giving thanks. We have two for getting deals. Now, we have #GivingTuesday, a global day dedicated to giving back. On Tuesday, December 1, 2015, charities, families, businesses, community centers, and students around the world will come together for one common purpose: to celebrate generosity and to give. It’s a simple idea. Just find a way for your family, your community, your company or your organization to come together to give something more. Then tell everyone you can about how you are giving. Join us and be a part of a global celebration of a new tradition of generosity.
You’re familiar with Black Friday, right? Retailers offer huge discounts to jump-start holiday spending. In recent years, Cyber Monday was added to the mix.
Thankfully, there’s now Giving Tuesday, a day dedicated to giving back.
This year, we’re asking YOU, our COMPASSION IT comrade, to consider offering a donation to help us expand our reach. As a boot-strapping non-profit, we could use the financial help. We’ve got big plans for 2016 to scale our work and make compassion more accessible around the world. But we can’t do it without your support. Visit our website to learn more about Giving Tuesday and what we have planned for 2016. Also, don’t forget to mark your calendar for December 1! COMPASSION IT-ly, Sara & the COMPASSION ITeam
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An Epiphany from a Student of the Power of Gratitude: 3 Reasons Why Thanksgiving is Your Best Holiday
I am grateful to be grateful. I wasn’t always this way. In fact I went through major periods of my life when the repeating song on my inner soundtrack was “Why me?” My life logic was self-defeating…guaranteed to make me unhappy. Life logic is a simple concept. It is how we consistently explain to ourselves why life is the way it is. It’s our inner story of cause and effect. We use it constantly. It is the super-structure of life logic that is constantly giving us strategic instructions about how we might make our life better or at least less worse.
My life logic for nearly 50 years is a framework called “bargaining with universe.” It is based on the belief that if you are a good person you can prevent bad things from happening to you. Now I know…that’s a very foolish belief. Yet it is very common. A famous book was written by a Rabbi titled “Why Bad Things Happen to Good People.” The up shot of the book is…bad things happen…don’t take it personally. Unfortunately that’s not a very satisfying answer. Human beings are very uncomfortable with randomness. So we naturally seek control strategies. The things that really scare us in life are the things we don’t control. Major religions have caught onto this human longing and reinforced our misbelief that if we are good enough God will protect us from bad things. So this becomes the desperate bargain we make. Yet we can’t help but notice that too often the good die young and for some reason Mick Jagger seems both happy and healthy. What’s up with that? That was my question when I was soaking in a bath of frustration surrounded by candles of self-pity after spending nearly a decade with daily bouts of emotional agony over the condition of my life. And no matter how good I tried to be nothing got better. Then my coach said to me. “Man, you are so lucky. Everything that you have feared the most has already happened to you. And look at you, you’re still standing, still fighting. It’s awesome, you have nothing to fear now.” For some reason those were the right words at the right time. I even wrote them down.
For months he’d been trying to explain to me that it is futile to try to protect yourself from all the things you cannot control. He also explained that the only viable life logic is to develop the bone-deep belief that you are stronger than all of life’s tragic disappointments. If you choose to believe that no matter what happens you can be stronger, wiser and even happier because of what your difficulties have taught you…you will be. He asked me to think of people who live by that life logic. I thought of Nelson Mandela and my Mom.
Since that epiphany I have become a student of the power of gratitude. With the explosion of research in positive psychology and the effects of gratitude meditation we now know that science clearly confirms that gratitude is health food for our mind, emotions and even our bodies. (Controlled studies show people who do daily gratitude meditation can lower their blood pressure!) Perhaps the most powerful research on the effects of gratitude is from Richard Wiseman, who has performed numerous studies linking gratitude meditation to behavior change. This is what he has found. Most people who simply write down one thing they are genuinely grateful for each day and focus on their positive feelings for 60 seconds get three beneficial effects over time.
They become more open minded and willing to try new experiences.
They become more optimistic and opportunity oriented.
They project a positive–constructive personality which expands their circle of supportive friends.
It’s simple. The grand effect on the lives of people who live life through the lens of gratitude is they become happier. Wiseman also discovered that gratitude sets up an eco-system of behavior that makes you luckier…that is, you will have more positive opportunities than average. That’s why I love Thanksgiving. It’s a national holiday with a much deeper practical message than just turkey and football. It’s time to take stock of both the good things that we take for granted as well as what we have learned from the tough things that we’ve experienced.
Just think about this. Many experts believe that about 70 billion people have lived their lives on planet Earth. Until about a century ago most parents buried 2 to 3 of their own children before they reached adulthood. A winter cold routinely turned into lethal pneumonia. Starvation and violence were everyday fears. These and countless other hardships were accepted unchangeable conditions. How most of us live today would be a fairy tale for nearly everyone who has lived before us. Truly, of all the people that have ever lived, we have the most to be grateful for. And even if you have gone through a very tough time just remember what my coach said. “You’re still standing, still fighting. You’re awesome. You have nothing to fear now.” Happy Thanksgiving! Will
NOTE: As you may know, I’m on a mission to rapidly accelerate the impact and influence of women leaders. I feel so strongly about this that I collaborated with an insightful group of women executives to create The Leadership SPA (SMART Power Academy), a 2.5 a day women-only development program. Click here to learn more.
An Attitude of Gratitude (at Work):
create and attitude of gratitude
When we talk about the concept of “value” in business, it rarely has much to do with valuing each other. We’re just not very fluent with the language of positive emotions in the workplace – or with expressing them. What makes that so ironic is that positive emotions – appreciation, caring, kindness, empathy – may be the single most powerful fuel there is for engagement, satisfaction, and performance.
Feeling genuinely valued and appreciated is a powerful source of energy. Our research with the Harvard Business Review found that employees who felt they were regularly recognized and appreciated by their leader reported 53% higher focus, 58% higher engagement, and 109% higher likelihood to stay with their organization.
Often, we find ourselves feeling too busy or too stretched to take the time to reflect on and express our gratitude. The problem is that, without intentionality, our tendency is to concentrate on what’s going wrong. Try taking a minute or two to reflect on what or whom you appreciate most. If you do this regularly, you will find yourself more readily focusing on what’s going right. Over time, that will increase your reservoir of positive emotions and in turn, your resilience.
For more tips on how to add more gratitude to your life, check out our Facebook album where you can like, share, and comment on your favorites.
Tony’s blog
The Secret to Sustaining High Job Performance Most companies invest in building the skills of their employees. Few of them systematically invest in building people’s capacity to perform at their best. Read More
top tips
Start a gratitude journal – Keeping track of what you feel grateful for will allow you to return to your lists in the moments that they’re hardest to generate. If you’re struggling to begin a daily practice, the Gratitude app on iOS ($2.99) sends regular reminders to help you get started. You can either make it completely private, or you can share your posts via social media and tag friends who also use the app.
Accentuate the positive – Make a list of activities that you enjoy most and which make you feel best. Intentionally schedule at least one of these activities into your life each week. For example, attend a concert, go bike riding with family members, or take a class. We all bring more energy to the activities we enjoy, and pleasure itself can sustain our energy.
Create a transition ritual – Find an activity that allows you to make a transition from work to home. Take a few minutes to stop at a park, listen to music, or take the time to write in your gratitude journal. The key is that by the time you get home, you’re not still at work
“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.”– William Arthur Ward
An eagle’s flight to his handler from the top of the world’s tallest building,the Burj Khalifa, in Dubai. The eagle would have no idea where that speck of land was or what it looked like. It actually had to pick out and recognize the trainer. You can see him looking, looking, looking for the trainer, invisible to a human eye, then fold his/her wings and dropping like a bullet to that trainer. (Listen how the sound of the wind speeds up when he/she dives.) And notice how smooth the flight is with no camera shake whatsoever.
Happy Soul Food Friday! 